As the popular saying goes, “All paths lead to Rome”. Maybe so, but how do I know which is the right path for me, is a question that confuses many of us. As we find our way through life, we have choices to make, decisions to take and goals to achieve. While we’re busy doing all of that, how do we really know if we’re travelling on the road that is good for us or if we need to course correct.
“Going in the right direction” has several “feel good” characteristics that are an inherent part of it. When we take these factors into account, we can get an idea of how optimal that life path is for us. Here are 5 areas to observe and ask ourselves some questions that can tell us if we are headed in the right direction for ourselves:
1. Feeling of expansiveness
“How do I feel after I have taken certain decisions or made specific life choices?”
Decision making is a common and frequent event in our lives, sometimes, more than we realise. Right from the mundane like what do I eat for breakfast, to the evergreen what job is best for me to the more challenging aspects such as am I raising confident and happy children, there are many questions, emotions, thought processes and actions involved as we muddle through our lives in the best manner we can. So, how do I know if my decisions are good for me?
Firstly, we must all remember that no matter how overwhelming the decisions may seem, we have all the answers within us. We are able to instinctively realise what “feels” right. For example, notice how your body reacts to different thoughts. When we take an all-inclusive, unrestrained view of life, there is lightness in how we feel physically, mentally and emotionally. This is an attitude of expansiveness, where you feel relaxed, shoulders are at ease, the chest feels open and there is a feeling of lightness which pulls you into the direction of a particular choice. All of a sudden, you breathe more easily, smile and you know – it’s a “Yes”.
On the other hand, if that’s not the right choice for you, there is a tenseness, heaviness and a feeling of contraction. For example, your muscles may tense, chest tighten, you pull back and feel a sense of closing. These nonverbal cues, if you pay attention, point to a clear “No”.
Essentially, remember to train yourself to tune into what your inner intelligence communicates to you while making decisions so that they are optimal for you. An attitude of expansiveness in our lives takes us where we need to go.
2. Availability of choices
“Do I generallyhave choices available or do I often feel constricted with no scope to choose?”
How often do we hear ourselves say, “There’s no point in thinking about it, it’s not like I have a choice”? This sort of outlook can make a person feel trapped or perhaps like a victim even. It evokes feelings of anger, sadness, frustration and hopelessness. It makes decisions feel forced and there is a general feeling of defeat in the process.
So here is another way of looking at choice. What if we could make choices from a place of emotional freedom? A place that is far more centred than the emotions we experience at any point in time. We could take a look at all the areas where we can make a change. It doesn’t have to be big or dramatic but rather simply be there for us.
Often when we think, we don’t have a choice, we merely unaware of all the possibilities we have in a current situation. When we make choices authentically, for the right reasons, there are always options available.
These could be situational, where we can do something about what we are faced with or emotional, where we are able to choose how we perceive and respond to that event. Overall, there is a sense of freedom and control in the direction we are taking and we know we are on the right path for us.
3. Win-Win Situations
“Are my decisions or choices beneficial for me and everyone around me?”
Very often we find ourselves on a “comparative or competitive” path, wherein we believe that we will succeed only if someone else fails. Years of conditioning that tells us there is room only for one winner at the top makes us strive to “defeat” all others in the race around us to achieve victory. Before we know it, this outlook becomes a way of life for us in other spheres of our life too. But then, we sit up one day and realise, we are simply not happy.
The truth is that we do not live in isolation. We interact daily with so many people on a personal and professional level. Every choice we make, every action we take impacts people around us as well. Very often, the decisions we make are made out of fear. For example, fear of missing out, fear of not being good enough, fear of keeping up with others etc. In such cases, the choices we make tend to have a limited span of satisfaction.
Instead, if we align ourselves with love for self and others, rather than fear, our choices become more in tune with what is good for us and everyone around us in the long run.
So, for example, the father who gives up an amazing job that requires him to travel continuously in favour of a decent job that allows him to spend more time with his family may find more happiness in that decision personally because he has adopted a win-win attitude that takes into consideration all factors and allows him to make choices based on the larger picture of what is good for him and his family.
When we carry the people in our lives forward with us in ways that benefit everyone, there is stability and harmony and we know that we are on the right path.
4. Ability to be more inclusive / less judgemental
“Am I able to be more understanding and accepting of people and situations?”
We all judge. But there is a difference between making judgements and being judgemental. When we make judgements, it comes from a clear mind where we more objectively view a situation on its merits and its impact on us.
On the other hand, being judgemental comes from a reactive mind where we enjoy the feeling of being “right” or superior in some manner. It is in fact often a defence mechanism that we use to make ourselves feel better than others.
While it may be in our nature to be judgemental, it is not always useful to us. It creates a division of sorts where we categorize people and situations in to different slots such as good/bad, successful/unsuccessful, right/wrong etc.
This has become even more relevant in the current pandemic times, where we find ourselves judging others without really understanding their personal situation. “Why can’t they just stay at home”? or “Why do they have to travel in these times”? etc.
Rather a really good practice is to simply pause, try to understand more before we make up our minds. Tryto give the other person the benefit of doubt. As Walt Whitman, the American poet and journalist said, “Be curious, not judgemental”.
By accepting and embracing the differences in each other’s lives, we learn to be more inclusive. We learn to perhaps put ourselves into the other person’s shoes, before purely reacting and passing judgements about them, building more harmonious relationships.
When we are able to be less judgemental, we feel better and happier and know that we are on the right track.
5. Feeling calmer and more peaceful
“How do I feel in general? Do I feel disturbed or anxious or is there an overall feeling of being relaxed?”
How often have we heard, “Have a drink, it will cheer you up”, or “I’m so stressed, I need a smoke”? Relying on external factors or substances to keep your spirits high is not always ideal. In addition to the danger of addiction and the obvious health issue, it is only a temporary band aid solution.
In reality, as the poet Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Nothing can bring you peace but yourself”. This does not mean that you will be in a place where there will be no troubles, or hardships or difficulties but rather in spite of being in the midst of all those things, you will still be calm and at peace from within.
When our approach to life is more positive, where we look for the greater good in things and people, where our attitude reflects an encompassing view that is more wholesome and inclusive, things tend to work out for us even if they are not perfect.
Problems come with solutions, issues get sorted out, life smoothens itself out sometimes and we feel at peace with ourselves and our lot. This tells us that we are doing something right, that we are moving in the right direction and are on the right path.
Finally, in our pursuit of living a good life, we may very well take several wrong paths before we find the right one for us. It may not be the easiest at the time, but in the long run, it certainly helps to make our life easier, smoother and a lot more fulfilling. As Kirsten Butler, CEO of the Power of Positivity said, “You know you are on the right path when you feel good about moving forward and you could not care less about looking back”.
