The dictionary definition of the word “discernment” is the ability to judge well. If we break down the word “discernment” into the two Latin words it originates from, we get “dis” which mean apart and “cenere” which means to separate. Therefore, to discern means “to separate apart”. So, any time we have to choose from two or more options, which is often the case, we discern. We evaluate them in order to choose.
Taking the concept a bit further, “discernment”, at its root, refers to the innate wisdom, insight and perceptiveness involved when making decisions that influence all spheres of our lives, be it personal or professional.
Discernment is judging without emotions/thinking
Sometimes we are faced with situations wherein we have no choice and other times, there are so many options that we don’t know what to choose.
Making the right choice out of many multiple possibilities seems pressurizing and we land up feeling confused and even more bewildered than before. Often, we land up “going with the flow” (and this is not the famous, oft repeated “go with the flow”!- that feels liberating and empowering) rather than making a conscious choice because we are simply unable to.
Or we make choices based on what is deemed “better” by our conditioning. What to study, what job to take up to where to live, which school are children go to etc etc. The conditioning can be based on societal standards cultural or family values, upbringing, or our own negative experiences… the list goes on.
Discerning is beyond all that- beyond what we identify with or beyond conditioning and memories. It is simply the ability to choose something that is supportive for us, which would lead to growth within and without.
That can be called an Inner Knowing, Wisdom, Sense.. call it by any name. It would lead to self-discovery while bringing about expansion and growth. Not just for ourselves but for people around us as well. It is wholesome.
It is an answer that comes from the inner stillness, where we are able to connect within ourselves and simply know.
Keep Calm and Discern. It makes sense of the madness.
As the saying goes, “Life is not random, for randomness is simply purpose that we have yet to discern”.
Being judging is the very thing we need to steer clear of.
It seems fashionable sometimes to have opinions and attitudes and even criticize one thing or the other, maybe the government, maybe “those people” who are causing climate change.
When we are opiniated -just to be aware – things become uneven within us. It affects the chemistry within us. So, it is more sensible to not have emotions running high or to have set views, belief systems and thinking patterns.
In fact, these are the very things which will cloud our discernment. If we are neutral and even there is better clarity and speed of Knowing.
Hence Keep Calm and Discern!
We use discernment in-
1. To create
No person is an island. Our daily life is filled with an assortment of interpersonal interactions. There are so many more ways now to communicate than ever before. Social media, emails, text messages – there is simply no room for not staying touch. Yet, often we find in this world of mass communications, there are mis-interpretations, mis-understandings or mis-information more than before as well be it with our neighbours, colleagues at work or even our own family members.Communicating with discernment
Discernment in speech and communication encourages us to act with awareness and understanding. Be it on the personal or business front, we meet with people from all walks of life and therefore need to be mindful of how we communicate with them. Being aware allows us to get the full benefit of being a person with discernment. When our conversation reflects the right message, includes the right content and reaches the other person in the manner and essence in which it was intended to, everyone involved benefits from it. Our speech has the right impact on all levels – be it personal, social or economic through the use of the most appropriate words, tone, clarity, body language, kindness, empathy and sincerity when we use discernment as a part of the communication process. When we communicate successfully, we can enjoy good relationships in all areas of our lives.
As the leadership trainer and facilitator Rich Simmonds says, “Communication is only effective when we communicate in a way that is meaningful to the recipient not ourselves”
Creating Personal Growth
There are so many ways to look at life, work out what we want to be, how we wish to attain our goals. Sometimes there is no wrong or right, but perhaps only that which is right for me and does not negatively impact anyone else around me.
With responsible discernment comes the skill of utilising not only the facts and information available to us but also seeking that inner guidance that knows what nourishes us as individuals and allows us to live to our fullest potential. It also teaches us to allow others, to choose for themselves, gracefully.
It is not judgement which as commonly understood, has a slightly negative connotation, rather it is taking the time and effort to understand ourselves and others, to being inclusive rather than jumping to conclusions based on our own experiences and assumptions
2 . What we choose in our day to day lives, the little decisions which keep us occupied all the time – It is often said that we are a sum total of our choices. And yet, many of us are not sure about some fundamental areas that help us make the very best choices and decisions for us lives. Using discernment to make responsible life choices
Often while chasing our life goals, we realize we have actually become part of a rat race. We doing what others around are pursuing and we don’t know if we get true happiness out of it. Our actual goals should be to lead the very best life for ourselves and in doing that impact everyone around us favourably.
But how do we know what is best for us? In reality we all are fully equipped to make the right decisions for ourselves and have the capacity to understand others as well. The skill lies in having the wisdom or discernment to truly understand, accept and act upon this knowledge. For example, a parent may encourage their child to pursue medicine as a well-paying and noble profession. But in reality, the child has more of an artistic bend and truly enjoys a more creative field. Imagine if this child would give up their talent just to make their parents happy. Would any of them be happy in the future?
Knowing what is innately good for us and people around us and acting upon it is the art of being discerning. Once we can do that, we are able to live our life in a manner that adds value to us and makes us feel content and happy. We lead our lives by what enhances us rather than cookie cutter living to social standards or other’s expectations
Using discernment to make decisions today that lead to a better tomorrow
As Louise Hay, the very popular motivational author said, “The point of power is in the present moment…..right here and right now in our minds”. Every decision we make every path we choose is constantly affecting our lives and that of people around us. Our every act creates an impact on all those involved with us – be it our children, parents, spouses, friends, colleagues etc. We create our own future with the choices we make today.
Decision making using discernment is wisdom based, not just knowledge based. It is a thought process based on circumstances, options available, implications for all involved and the motivation in taking that decision. For example, is this decision based on my need to be “in control” of things or is it based on the larger good? A key element while discerning is to not let your emotions cloud your judgement, rather looking at the bigger truth with objectivity and clarity. Discernment is devoid of negative thinking or emotions attached to it. We are not being judging when we discern. Between say two professions, I discern what is apt for me without judging one to be “better” than the other or thinking “less” of anything. That kind of judging (with criticism inlaid in it) is a pitfall.
3. What we need to discard so we are “light” and move in a fit way through life– simply letting go of anything that no longer serves us, be it thoughts, emotions, old conditioning, daily habits or past resentments:
We’ve all done it before – getting sucked into tasks, routines and other’s expectations only to finally wonder about what did we want to be doing in the very first place. We’re unsure if we’re really doing what we want to or doing what we should do or then simply doing things out of habit. This happens to the best of us and across all ages and stages of life. From the ambitious office worker, to the optimistic student or the content housewife, sometimes we find ourselves in a rut and simply don’t experience the joy in what we do.
Rather than wait for a New Year to make resolutions or a particular day to sit and do something about your life, it is a great idea to constantly re-evaluate. You know, how many of us might spring clean our homes and get rid of things that we don’t need, similarly there is a need to regularly evaluate what we do in life and discern what simply does not serve us anymore. Be it belongings, thoughts, memories or emotions – anything that pulls us down or does not make us happy should be let go. Discernment helps in further identifying what does serve us and putting our energy and interest in that area. For example, it could be volunteering somewhere, planning fitness goals, pursuing hobbies etc. This enrichment in our lives can only happen when we truly eliminate all that does not add value to our life and lovingly release it and let go.
Conclusion
The very act of leading life as far as possible in a discerning way leads to self- discovery, inner growth and leading a full life which is otherwise not possible. The dots get connected in such a fashion that it is not a linear growth. It is moving across planes and getting opportunities which we really cannot strategize and achieve. So really we keep moving through life with whatever that
comes our way with decisions which are not colored by belief systems, emotions or thinking patterns as much as possible. And just watch one’s own life unfolding beautifully, it leaves us too wondrous and fulfilled.
