Every life is unique and beautiful but no life is without it’s share of troubles and challenges. While we may not be in a position to choose what comes our way, we can certainly choose how to respond to the different situations in our life.
Here are 6 ways that can help us resolve problems that we are faced with in life:
1.Be honest with self
It is often said that “The truth will set you free”. It can and it does. But while most of us are largely honest with people around us, we forget about the most important character in our story – ourselves!
It can sometimes be difficult to face the truth about oneself much less accept it and take action based upon it. But in reality, we are scared and feel we are protecting ourselves by not looking at things honestly. Nonetheless, being honest with oneself is a powerful and transformational process, with the potential to change your life completely.
When we are self-aware and honest with ourselves, we look at things differently. Any problems or challenges are evaluated with “tuning in” into ourselves – what was the true intention behind our action, what do we really want, where do we want to go, what makes us happy? etc. So, be it problems related to jobs or relationships, rather than waste so much of our time indulging in what is not good for us, we can make more authentic decisions that help us resolve our problems and make choices in a more meaningful manner for us.
As BK Shivani from the Brahmakumaris said, “The first step towards change is acceptance. Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That’s all you have to do. Change is not something you do; it is something you allow”.
2.Be aware everyone’s experience is unique
We are each our own lead character in our own story are defined by our unique beliefs, strengths, thoughts and experiences.
All our life experiences, every single one, be it little or huge contribute to making us what we are today. Since all our experiences and our memories and learning associated with them are different, we can safely say that all of us as human beings are also different and unique. Which means that given the same situation, we each will respond differently.
A good way therefore to evaluate any problems that come our way is to see how and why it affects us as individuals. What do we feel, who do we feel certain emotions towards, why do we feel the way we do, what is it about the situation / person that bothers us?
Going inside to evaluate our feelings helps us recognise and tell our story from our own personal point of view. This in turn allows us to have more control over how we choose to respond to the problem and come up with what is acceptable to us as a solution
For example, I may find the next-door neighbour who everybody else likes, quite irritating. That is my story. Here, I might pause and re-phrase that sentiment. Rather than saying, “The neighbour is irritating me”, I might say, “I feel irritated by the neighbour. They make me feel like I’m not good enough”, or whatever else the feeling might be. Why do I feel like that, what can I do about how I feel etc.….and thus starts the process of going inwards with self-awareness to resolve the issue in a way that we are intrinsically comfortable with.
American Cultural Anthropologist Margaret Mead once said, “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else”.
3.Focus on the bigger picture for better problem resolution
Simply put, focusing on the bigger picture means looking at the more global, generalised issues and seeing the patterns in our life.
In seeing the bigger picture, we identify patterns in the different problems we are facing. And then we become aware of how we feel about what is happening.
So for example, you could be having issue with a friend, a spouse , a boss etc. they might seem like multiple issues. But upon reflection, maybe you can pick up the common pattern as feeling a sense of helplessness or anger while dealing with people who are,say , dominant. Now stating it this way, brings the issues closer to resolution rather than getting into details of the various issues.
4.Don’t specify on the outside but on the inside
Following closely on the heels of looking at the bigger picture rather than the details, comes the ability of specifying problems on the inside rather than on the outside.
How do we do this? For example, often we say, “I’m feeling stressed” without honing in on exactly what we feel. Stress by itself covers many things and in some cases may be too generalised for effective problem resolution.
What we can do instead is identify the areas that make us feel stressed like the job, money matters, giving presentations etc and then check how we feel on the inside at these times. Do I feel victimised? Or trapped? Maybe humiliated?
This specific nuancing helpsto actually resolve or get closer to resolution.
Just by fine tuning that nuance underlying those feelings we can resolve multiple problems simultaneously and far more effectively by going within rather than relying purely on external information.
As the renowned poet, Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us”.
5.The right “key” unlocks the door
We’ve all probably heard of the expression, “A square peg in a round hole”. Life is like that sometimes. We try all sorts of options to find answers to our problems but nothing seems to really fit.
When we delve deeper within ourselves and think back to explore the path we have travelled thus far to get to this point, we can understand what is really bothering us.
You can feel the “rightness” and experience a sense of ease and lightness when this happens. You know you have found what is the best solution for yourself.
And just getting right the problem pattern and how it bothers you specifically, unlocks the door. The right answer resolves the issue.
6.Find wholesome solutions
In the bigger picture of life, we are all connected as human beings.
What decisions we may take as parents, spouses, employers etc. affects the entire family and workplace.
Often in our desire to “fix” the issue, we may use the easiest, most aggressive or the first option that comes to mind as a band-aid solution to make things better. But it could be that our choices affect the people around us adversely. They may feel pressured, pushed into a corner, neglected or even bullied.
This sort of problem fixing does not last long and is not sustainable over time. Eventually the universe works to the tune of “What goes around, comes around”, which is not the best outcome for us.
While we still need to focus on what works for us, we also need to use discernment in our decision making. How does what I do impact the people around me? This in itself is a journey. A journey of exploration, practice and eventually betterment.
As we progress on this path of resolving issues wholesomely, we ourselves improve as individuals. While the path is straightforward, it is not always easy to tread on because our decisions depend on our understanding at that time and so we can only do our best in that moment.
Like Nature, we too need to beall encompassing and expansive. As we journey through life, we should resolve our problems in a manner that is wholesome.
In conclusion, challenges and problems will certainly come our way. Our responses will decide how well we can tide over them.
As the renowned aerospace scientist and 11th President of India, Dr. Abdul Kalam said, “A door is much small compared to the house, a lock is much smaller compared to the door and a key is the smallest of all, but the key can open the entire house. Thus, a small, thoughtful solution, can solve major problems”.
